Well, maybe I would have stayed there if I hadn't had a son to warp me. As it is, my favorite bands now include Captain Sensible and Men without Hats, and Brotherhood of Lizards (formerly Cleaners from Venus) and XTC and They Might Be Giants. My friends look at me a little oddly when I say this.
Can I help it if the bands I like choose really weird names? I would have liked these groups even if they chose to call themselves something like the Smith Brothers (in fact, I do like The Smiths); their music is terrific. But I also get a kick out of their names. There is an amazing amount of verbal inventiveness in the world of rock music.
Some groups, as far as I can tell, must name themselves by randomly listing words in column A and Column B and then throwing darts at each column. At least I find it hard to figure any other explanation for groups like the Dead Milkmen, Fatima Mansions, Blind Melon, Inspiral Carpets, Birdsongs of the Mesozoic, and the Carpet Frogs. Others, of course, thrive on deliberate self-contradiction; another group I like a lot, for instance, is the Tall Dwarves.
Some bands insist on using entire sentences for band names; like I said, I really do like They Might Be Giants (though I am waiting for them to title an album "But Then Again..."). But there's also "When People Were Shorter and Lived Near the Water." And "My Life with the Thrill-Kill Kult." (I name machines after rock groups. One computer is named "Rage against the Machine," for excellent reason. And the printer which re-uses the scrolled paper it has already printed on is, of course, "Pop Will Eat Itself.")
Some of my favorite groups are people who remain entranced by their childhood. R.E.M., for one, makes constant reference to childhood games and Dr. Seuss. But there are also the Pooh Sticks, and World of Pooh, and the Phantom Tollbooth, and the Sneetches.
I know it might surprise a lot of people to find out how literate some of these kids in rock groups are. They not only read books, they sometimes shape their lives around what they learn there. So there are groups like Fahrenheit 451, and the Dharma Bums, and Josef K, and the Confederacy of Dunces, and Eyeless in Gaza.
Naturally I'm fond of groups that call themselves things like Gang Green. Or the 4 Skins. Or Pianosaurus (although I would have called it Pianosaurus Wrecks). Or Texas Instruments.
Of course, a lot of these groups get formed during adolescence, so there's a fair amount of adolescent posturing and attitude in some of the names. Well, why not? Adolescence is the time to try out new personas and attitudes and see what fits. So if you consider yourself different and weird, but also correct, why not call yourself the Curbside Prophets, or the Tragically Hip? Or even take pride in being Cockney Rejects, or Social Deviants, or the Band of Outsiders?
The problem with naming yourself when you're young and pissed off with the world is that you may forever be stuck with a name that reeks of no higher ambition in life than grossing out your parents. It's not like I'm easily shocked. But when a group calls themselves the Snivelling Sh_ts, or the Butthole Surfers, or far worse things, I figure, if it's that important to them to offend me, the least I can do is be offended. These are groups that actually make me feel middle-aged.
Of course, some of the names turn out to be serious marketing mistakes. The The, for instance, may have been formed before the advent of computer databases. But since "the" is a stop word, there is simply no way one can tell whether "The The" is in any library or computerized tape inventory--if it was there, the computer would never find it. And the problem with Average White Band is that they have much too clear an insight into their music. Great name, mediocre music.
If you enjoy words, you kind of have to be charmed by rock group names. I recommend Ira Robbins' guide to alternative music, the Trouser Press Guide, as a wonderful source. This is where I discovered the Legendary Pink Dots, and Proof of Utah, and Half-Man, Half-Biscuit, and the New Fast Automatic Daffodils. (Not to mention the inspiring cross-references. Most reference books don't give you cross references like "Malcolm's Interview." see "God's Little Monkeys." Or "News from Babel." see "Henry Cow.")
But as much fun as the names are, they give only a hint of the poetic capacities of these rock groups. Some other time I'm going to tell you about the amazing poetry buried in rock music lyrics. It's too good to be wasted solely on our kids.
Previous Columns: Debut, Week 2, Hard Copy, Word Child, Every Other Inch A Lady, Naming of Books, Progress, maybe (sort of...), All Reasons Great & Small, On achieving perfect copy, OJ (On Justice), Waiting for Webster's, What Genes Have Wrought, Light Out, Staying on the Map, Don't just stand there..., Remotely Funny, No Government Day, Advice For Desperate Men
Back to the London Mall